Recently, I received an update from a brother whom I haven't heard from in a while. I'm always excited to read his lengthy updates, and by the time I'm done reading I'm always so inspired by how God's been working in his life and using him to grow His kingdom. So I guess lately, I've been increasingly impatient...anxious to make something out of my life and serve God to the fullest. I've been telling everyone that I'm planning on trying to leave Art Center early without completing the program, because I want to get out there as soon as possible. It's weird because usually I am very patient...almost too patient sometimes...but I think these days I could definitely use a little more of it, and to remind myself that God has a purpose for me here and that I should focus on where He has placed me NOW and the ways I can serve Him HERE. It's so easy to forget the present and focus on the future, or dwell on the past...it's dangerous, because life can easily pass you by.
Just came back from a weekend in sf...it was very enjoyable and I was so glad I made the trip up. I didn't tell very many people I was coming, only because it was kind of last minute.
Came back today just in time for class...actually got in 5 minutes late, but that's still pretty good timing considering my 6 hour commute. I was looking forward to getting out of class early and going home for a fat nap, but instead I stayed in class an extra hour and came home to sit in front of the computer and updated myself with all the missed news articles, sports standings and blogs that I've missed out on the past week while buried away in the slave mine that they call Art Center. I also very much wanted to research articles on the late missionary Martin Burnham.
I guess you could say that was one thing from this past weekend that would not leave my mind. I went to service on Sunday and the pastor gave a message on "Bad Things That Happen To Good People" and shared the story of Martin Burnham, a missionary in the Philippines who together with his wife were kidnapped by the Abu Sayyaf when celebrating their anniversary at a resort. While in captivity, Martin exhibited grace at all times, thanking his kidnappers when chained to a tree and wishing them a good night, or offering to carry their gear, instead of being angry and frustrated with God about his predicament. While he knew that they might not make it out alive, he told his wife that the Bible says to serve the Lord with gladness, so that they should go out all the way and serve Him with gladness. They prayed, recited scripture to eachother and sang before laying down to rest. Then a botched rescue assault began, and as the bullets began to fly, one punctured his wife Gracia in the leg, while another ripped through his chest.
I guess the lesson to be learned from Martin is that we shouldn't serve God so that good fortune may come to us, but that it should solely be for His glory. That makes sense and seems very obvious, but I think it's so much easier said than done. I envy Martin Burnham, for how when faced with a grave and seemingly undeserving situation, he obeyed and followed Jesus all the way, like it was an honor to do so. It really makes me wonder if I would do the same thing, and if my love for the Lord is that unselfish. Sometimes I wonder about what motivates me at Art Center...is it the fact that God has a purpose and plan for me here and my ambition to serve his mission? Or am I motivated by fear...fear of failure, fear of failing myself, and my parents who have given me so many chances to be successful? Perhaps a little bit of both. I wonder why that is...maybe because asians like to raise their kids by instilling fear? Not that this is an excuse in any way...my parents have been more than generous in their support for me. But being motivated by fear, although oftentimes productive, is an unsettling feeling, because of its passive nature as a reaction to fear. I only wish that one day I could be more proactive and do less reacting.
